I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
