Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
