So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize