It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
