You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
