She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
