I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
