mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
