Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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