so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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