I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize