New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
