This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
