I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
