Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
