just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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