remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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