My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
