Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize