Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
