i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
