Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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