I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my shit smells like andre
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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