What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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