So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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