i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
