I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The feeling are messing with the penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize