How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
