Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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