i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dear god my vagina.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
