when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize