I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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