addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
