We won't sleep together?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she pinky promised me she was 18
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
