We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
