Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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