I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
