and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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