not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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