Need sex. Gaining weight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
