His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
pray to the hookup gods
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
