my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
