He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
