Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
