I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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