i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
