he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
