when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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