Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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