How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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