FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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