I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
