hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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