I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
