New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize