if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
