I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
