First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
