We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
