an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
