I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
