bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
