the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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