So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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