I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
