Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
