went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
