if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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