It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
