If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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