just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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